An anime style drawing of someone looking sad with various bad things coming out of the voices in their head. From https://allihoopa.com/s/0VDG3sAw
I’m having a rough time tonight, thinking I am the worst person in the world, lower than dirt (actually dirt is pretty cool stuff…..). I decided I was going to have a talk with myself, with these negative voices in my head. I’m not sure yet if I will publish this post, but this is a safe environment for me to be able to try something like this. [Note, I was surprised to see New voice pop up, I don’t remember her]
So, here goes……
Me: What is it this time?
Voices: You’re horrible. You smell, you haven’t showered lately, you aren’t even able to get Ollie proper medical treatment.
Me: I will call the vet tomorrow when we know our schedule for the week. One day isn’t going to kill him.
Voices: You’re still horrible and so dirty.
Me: Yes, I am dirty. No getting around that one. But I’m not so dirty that I am a horrible person.
Voices: You’re horrible for everything you’ve done wrong in your life [shows replays of me not being great from years back up till recently]
Me: *quivers*
Voices: I don’t know why you even try to be well. You know I am right.
Me: You are right.
New voice: NO, you are wrong! You are a worthwhile person! You do kind things, people say you are a kind person. You’re smart, and you advocate and help other people all the time.
Voices: None of that counts.
Me: Who is this new voice?
New voice: I am the essence of Veronica, what you boil down to in the end. And it is good!
Voices: Still, you’re a horrible person.
Me: I think new voice is right. I’m not totally horrible. I do some things that are really good, nice, and kind.
New voice: Way to go Veronica!
Voices: You’re still dirty and smelly and can’t keep a clean house. Yeah, I brought up the housework that has gone neglected in some cases for years……
New voice: Don’t fall victim to these thoughts!
Me: Having a dirty house (or dirty body) doesn’t make me a horrible person.
New voice: You go, girl!
Voices: Ahhhh harrumph [gives up because it is clear the new voice is winning the day]
RIGHT ON, New Voice!!! 😀 *applauds her madly and agrees with her wholeheartedly*
Way to stand up with her! Proud of you for all you do and don’t do and then some <3
Thank you! I think I’m going to call New voice “Essence”
welcome to the pack, Essence! keep communicating <3
Great processing ! I like this new voice, she speaks the truth.
Thank you!
It’s great to hear New voice’s words winning the day!
V, I have those terrible voices inside my head all the time – the same ones as you and some others that are even worse.
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You wrote: New voice: I am the essence of Veronica, what you boil down to in the end. And it is good!
Voices: Still, you’re a horrible person.
Me: I think new voice is right. I’m not totally horrible. I do some things that are really good, nice, and kind.
New voice: Way to go Veronica!
Voices: You’re still dirty and smelly and can’t keep a clean house. Yeah, I brought up the housework that has gone neglected in some cases for years……
New voice: Don’t fall victim to these thoughts!
Me: Having a dirty house (or dirty body) doesn’t make me a horrible person.
New voice: You go, girl!
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The Essence Voice is the one that counts. All of us have trouble with certain self/house care that makes us feel bad – but we don’t care because we don’t have to! You have, and you do, remarkable things every single day, showered or not. You are a GOOD person and I hope you pay attention to “Essence” and what she’s telling you…
Thank you Deb! I am glad to have an ally in my head!
YAY!! New Voice you rock.
New Voice is totally right. You are a awesome person that is making a Big difference for the disabled community.
And you are one of the nicest people I know.
It is hard to see the good in ourselves that others see. New Voice is saying the truth, the others are wrong.
Thanks Tami, I am calling the new voice Essence I think. I’m happy to have her in my head!